Morning jokes

May '16:
While having food in this summer where temperature is touching
45 degree...
We must say thanks to 3 people..
1st. God 2nd. Farmer 3rd. The person who is making it ready in so
high temperature.
Once a kid missing. Their parents and relative put status with
photo on social media.
Than next day, he found and came back to home.
Still after 2 years, whenever that kid go out side, people catch
him and take him home. Lol
A message in group - Please do not leave the group to go outside
s temperature is so high..lol
November '15:
A friend was arguing with me that onion is the only food which
gets your tear out.
So I throw a coconut on his face to prove him wrong!
Wife in a mood: I want you to whisper something dirty on me.
Hubby: Your dishes!
What kind of bees make milk?
Boo Bees:)
July:
If girl is with you - Restaurant Bill
If girl is far from you - Mobile bill
If girl is separated from you - Than Bar Bill.
Moral - No Girl - No Bills!
Teacher: What small bee gives you?
Kid: Honey!
Teacher: What small goat gives you?
Kid: Milk!
And what buffalo gives you?
Kid: Home work!
A girl gives a kiss to a baby but left her lipstick spot.
Girl: Oops I am sorry..
Kid: It is ok.. if there are strain while doing something.. strains are
good!
March:
Me: Do you have a book for men with small his thing?
Librarian: I don't know if it's in yet.
Me: Yeah that's the one.
Where does a dog search for when it loses his tail?
A retail store.
Curves on women are nice, but curves on final exams are even
better.
What are the only kind of trees that grow fingers?
Ummm, Palm trees.
Don't "k" me, you bast....
Rare:
The most annoying moment when you put your status single and
your ex likes it!
The past of Eat is ate and the future of ate is weight and the
most funny part is that people realize it so too late!
----
Husband on wife's grave.. with a table fan.. crying...
Someone comes and asks - did you love her alot?
Man: Which love? she took a promise that you will re-marry when
my graves goes dry - I don't know who stupid put lot of water
daily here?
----
Telling lie is Sin for kids, must for bachelors, art for lovers, and
the way of living calmly for married couples!
----
Where were you last night? mother shouted!
I was in disc/club, son replied.
Oh my god! I hope you didn't see anything which you should not
see.
Son: I seen the thing that I should not see there!
What did you seen>
Dad - he softly uttered...
-----
Early to bed, and early to rise proves that..
..
..
..
...
The person has no internet connection!!!:)
----
Lay to advocate: I want to marry my ex husband again!
Advocate: Why, last month you hot the divorce..
Lady: After divorce, he is very happy and I can not tolerate this
at all...
----
Couple got fight!
Wife in anger goes to market, buys poison, eats and after
sometime..
She did not die..
Husband: Lot of time, I told you, take care while buying things,
money is wasted and work is still incomplete!!
----
Man can be happy in 2 situations: 1st - if unmarried; 2nd - if wife
has gone to her mother's home.
Smartness:
Duffer, why do you keep on talking with girls all the time..
Boy: I am very poor, even do not have whatsapp in my cell.
-----
Friend: You have sweet shop, don't you feel like eating?
Him: Yes, I love them, but dad put all sweet counted, so I taste
them and put them back..!!
-----
Do you know about 7 important most important Men in a Woman's
life? No, then here we go:
One. Mr. Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."
Two. Mr. Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."
Three. That Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or
the back?"
Four. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or
blown?"
Five. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside,
you'll LOVE it!"
Six. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon,
you'll lose interest!"
Sever. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush,
always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps
telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"
An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having two
wives:
A - Monopoly should be broken
B- Competition improves the quality of service..
If you have one wife she fights with you, if you have two wives
they will fight for you
Feel the difference and decide:
Disclaimer: We are not having such experience and not
responsible for any side effects!
------
Adam[man] and Eve[woman] were the first human beings in the
world
one fine day eve asked Adam' do you love me'
Adam said 'do i have another choice'
------
Male in the club Orders a Beer..
Female next To Him-
What A Co-incidence, Even I Have Ordered the same..
Man-I'm so Happy.
Female-Me too.
Man-Wat A Coincidence.
Lady-My Husband & I Have Tried 4Yrs For A Baby..
Today I'm Pregnant.
Man-Wat A Co-Incidence.
I Am A Farmer
From 4Yrs My Hens Were Infertile,
Today All Laying Eggs
Lady-Wow How Did That Happen?
Man- I Used A Different Cock.
Lady SMILED, & Said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!
------
Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don't work!
Submitted by Alysia Csengery
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They asked me Why wasn't Jesus born in Sydney?
Well, they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
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To avoid getting entangles with child-labor laws, I have decided to
appoint a child as a CEO.
Special ego massage, please!
You are right.. Minimalism did not make any sense to me until I
began to bald!
------
The kidnapers of your son sir! He says you've grossly
undervalued your company to fix the random amount!
------
Ask.. whatever you want, but don't ask me to walk my talk.
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Dad – Dear, I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son – no way..
Dad - She is the daughter of world's richest man.
Son – then its done.
Then his dad goes to that richest man..
Dad - I want your daughter to marry my son.
Rich man – nope
Dad: He is the COO of world bank.
Rich man – then its done.
Then Dad again goes to president of bank.
He asked – appoint my son the COO of the world bank.
Him – Never
Dad: – He is the son in law of World's richest man.
Him – then its fine.
THIS IS Smartness...!!
------
The only thing our students want to hear from you, sir, is how to
engineer jobs in the current market!
*****
Boss:
The virus means business. It wants us to send online secure
payment to leave our system.
I chose a wrong mentor - what about you?
The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS
funny.
Interpretation: It is true when your boss shares something witty,
you must laugh otherwise he might feel insulted and your
promotion can be stopped. So whether they are funny or not,
everyone laughs at them.
Employee : Boss, you called me?
Boss : Yes, go to home and make love with your wife.
Employee : (After an hour) ,done sir
Boss : Do it again.
Employee : Done again, sir.
Boss : Do it once more
Employee : Now I don't have

stamina for it, sir.

Boss : Very good,here are my car
keys, drop my daughter at home.
Explanation: What a smart and proactive boss. He is so doubtful

about his employee or daughter that he makes his worker to tried

before sending his daughter with him. But anyhow it was a funny
experience. Isn't it?
A pregnant lady asked her Sir if she could have the day off
because she wasn't feeling fine. He tells her the only way she is
leaving work is if she starts her contractions. So she yells
"shouldn't, couldn't, Can't, didn't, won't, wouldn't!"
Driver:
Are you afraid of dying alone? Become a bus driver.
Interpretation: How witty! This joke tells that we all need company
to something daring. They are not suggesting how to avoid
suicide but giving you idea to be bus driver because there are
hundreds more people who can go heaven/hell to accompany
you.

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